romantic zebra

Which One?

"I think my parents were swingers in the 70s."
"My parents were swingers in the 90s."
"Really?"
"Yeah, they'd pay me to leave the house sometimes."
"Wow."
"I got sixty bucks to go the movies once."
"What did they say to you about it?"
"They said they wanted to go skinny dipping."
"Fuck."
"I took the money and bought a Radiohead album."
[pause]
"Which one?"

Salad? Fucking Salad?

    Today it is eleventy billion degrees in Portland. I walked home from work at about 4 PM in flip-flops. As I waited to cross 16th, I felt the tops of my feet starting to burn. I had been outside for approximately six minutes.
    Now I'm eating a salad and yogurt because it's too fucking hot to eat anything else.
    Okay, so maybe it should be this hot all the time. I'd look awesome.

Update:

It's so fucking hot that my computer can't handle streaming video of The Daily Show without overheating and turning off.

Just Wrong.

    I work in a chain restaurant. Tonight I was told to wipe off the muck that has accrued on the stone wall near the line. I sat there on the floor, scrubbing away, and then looked up at a coworker and said, "To review, I have a degree and I'm cleaning a rock."

Theivery

   Yesterday I accidentally stole a pair of sunglasses. I was in the bowels of hell (also known as "Forever21"), and absentmindedly put them on top of my head while I grabbed at pink-and-black scarves and white embroidered tube tops and green kitschy wallets.
     Kait texted me at the just the right moment, scolding me for shopping without her and reminding me that I should get the fuck out while I still had a chance.
    I realized they were still on my head right after I left. Hello new blue aviators! Whatevs. It was bright out anyway.